


Hidden treasure

by howlingmary79



Category: A-Team (2010)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-05
Updated: 2013-10-28
Packaged: 2017-12-28 12:05:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/991799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howlingmary79/pseuds/howlingmary79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a mission goes wrong, Face fears Hannibal dies without knowing his real feelings for him. Complete!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The scene that welcomed Murdock and the S&R team was unbelievable: hidden in a little cave in the rocks of the Iraqi desert two dirty and exhausted men, uniforms covered in blood and eyes wide, close to the far end of the room, were standing on guard over a third one, unconscious and badly injured, who was laying flat on his back with his head resting on the Lieutenant’s lap.

At first, they didn’t seem to acknowledge that the cavalry had arrived. Eventually the youngest soldier heard them and instinctively held his rifle in trembling hands and pointed his weapon against them, only to let it drop to the ground when he recognized them. The other two figures didn’t move. The soldier was immediately taken care of by the rescue medical team while the pilot approached the still figures in the background.

“Do you need any help, Captain?” one of the soldiers asked him but Murdock said no, he just needed to approach them quietly without scaring them. 

“Face?” he tried, speaking softly, hoping his voice sounded steady; the last thing his fallen friends needed right now was him having a panic attack, so he took a deep breath and came closer to the duo. 

But the Lieutenant gave no answer nor seemed to notice his presence, giving his full attention to the Colonel who was sleeping – or so Murdock hoped – in his arms. He was actually caressing him and murmuring reassurances to the older man, saying he was going to be alright and he had to hold on, just a little longer, for him, please. 

Murdock felt his heart break into one million pieces at the sight; he noticed also the Colonel’s breath was shallow and the not-so-little pool of blood under his still figure. If they didn’t transport him to the base hospital soon the pilot doubted he was going to make it. Face had done his best to help him; he had covered him with the heat cover and tried to stop the bleeding. Probably, if it wasn’t for him and his medical training, the Colonel would be dead now. 

They had been in that cave for three days, without water or supplies, apart from what they usually carried with them in their backpacks. The soldier was exhausted and a little shaken up but alive, not hurt at all and he was going to make a full recovery. 

The Colonel was seriously hurt, that Murdock could tell for sure, but there was so much blood that he wasn’t certain Face wasn’t injured too. He knew the younger man was able to downplay his own injuries if he was determined to and maybe this was the case: worrying about Hannibal, it was quite certain he didn’t think about himself until it was too late. 

“Face? Can you hear me, buddy?” he asked again and this time Face gave him a little nod with his head. Murdock felt ridiculously happy at that little sign.

“Are you hurt?”

Face watched him with a curious look, his gaze unfocused, but remained silent.

“Face, please, I need to know if you’re ok? The Colonel?” he tried again, hoping his friend was able to give him the information he needed. But Face seemed lost in his own world. Murdock knew they didn’t have time to waste, so he knelt down beside the couple and carefully turned Face’s head in order to look in his eyes.

“Please, Face! I need to know how hurt you are and the Colonel. Can you tell me what happened?” 

But despite his best efforts, the younger man remained silent. Only when the soldiers of the S&R team tried to lift Hannibal’s dead weight from him did he seem to wake up from his catatonia and tried to fight them. Murdock held him in his arms and easily handled him, in his weakened state.

“Hush, Face, let them take care of him! Tell me where are you hurt? Is any of this blood yours?”

Face turned anguished eyes to look at him and cried out, trying to escape but Murdock held him close to him; he struggled for a little longer and suddenly relaxed in the pilot’s arms, sobbing softly. 

“Please, Murdock, I need to be with Hannibal. I can’t lose him!” 

“You’re not going to lose him. But now let me help you!” and with exquisite care he helped the LT to get up and held him upright when he almost collapsed. 

The ride to the base on the helicopter lasted 45 minutes; Murdock helped Face to sit beside him in the back of the bird, as close as possible to the Colonel. The medical team started to work on him as soon as they were in the air, checking his wounds and starting several IV’s, but they lost him twice. Every time Face struggled to get to him, with reserves of strength Murdock was surprised at, and he had a hard time to restrain the traumatized man. As soon as they landed at the base, the Colonel was immediately wheeled into the hospital and they lost sight of him behind a double door with a huge sign “Personnel Only”.

A doctor appeared from nowhere and took care of Face. The young lieutenant fought him at the beginning, claiming his place was with Hannibal, refusing to follow him into the treatment room; Murdock gently explained to him that he wasn’t doing any good to the Colonel at the moment by fighting the man, that he personally was going to wait for the doctors that were treating Hannibal in the waiting room in order to inform him as soon as he had news about his condition. Apparently satisfied, Face let the doctor guide him to the treatment room, where he was cleaned, and his own wounds - all superficial – were dressed in sterile gauze, but otherwise he refused to be given any drugs to help him sleep and rest after his ordeal.

He went to sit beside Murdock instead, looking exhausted and torn, but at least now he was clean of the blood. BA had brought him clean clothes, not that he cared about that, but Murdock insisted on the subject and Face reluctantly did as he was instructed. 

 

Four hours later, Face sat in the same hard plastic chair between Murdock and BA. Eyes closed, he tried to avoid the concerned glances of the two men sitting beside him; it also gave him some relief from the exhaustion and dizziness he was experiencing. He had refused the food Murdock tried to make him eat but gladly accepted the water and the hot cup of coffee, the sugar giving him new energy and making him feel more human.

Two hours later they were still waiting. At some point, BA got up to talk with General Morrison, who had heard about the rescue and had come to hear news about his men. Face heard them talking about him, he caught pieces of conversation where BA assured the General they – he and the pilot – were taking care of him and he had nothing to worry about. And yes, he was fine except for some bruises, clearly exhausted but refusing to leave them, worrying too much about the Colonel to think about himself.

If only they knew, Face thought! He was exhausted, hungry and disoriented. If not for Murdock he wouldn’t have made it so far. His thoughts were focused on Hannibal entirely, and at some point he even started to pray silently for the older man to be ok, knowing it was nonsense but maybe, if there was a God, maybe he would listen to him, accept his prayer and let Hannibal live.

It was supposed to be an easy mission; they were only supposed to make a survey of the village and that was why they took Miller and Wilson with them. The two young soldiers had never been out of the base and the General assigned them to Hannibal for this routine operation. 

But things didn’t go as planned and there was an ambush: Miller was shot in the head and died instantly, the other three managed to escape and kill the assailants but the gunfire caught the attention of the locals. 

Soon they were chased by armed villagers, who shot the Colonel twice – in the shoulder and in the leg. When it was evident Hannibal wasn’t going to make it back to base, Face knew their only hope was to hide somewhere and wait for the S&R team, who would be alerted if they didn’t check in at the rendezvous as planned.

Luckily they found a cave in the mountains near the village and they hid in there. Three days later Murdock found them. Hannibal was alive, unconscious but alive. 

Now, sat in the hard plastic chair of the waiting room, Face felt like screaming but knew he couldn’t, not in front of all the people. He needed to be alone but didn’t want to leave, in case the doctors needed to talk with him about Hannibal’s condition; he opted for the bathroom, which was in the corridor near the waiting room and damn! he had to empty his bladder.

The moment he stood upright his tired body refused the sudden movement and for a second his vision grayed; if not for Murdock, who rushed to help him, he would have fallen to the ground.

“Where are you going, buddy? Bathroom?” Murdock asked in a very concerned voice.

Face nodded and let his friend support him the few steps to his goal, conscious of being at the center of everybody’s attention in the room. He blocked out their sympathetic expressions and released a long sigh once inside the toilet.

The concern on Murdock’s features and his caring words apparently were too much and the Lieutenant crumpled to the floor, exhaustion catching him finally. The pilot held him in his arms, rocking him like you would do for a child, in a calming gesture more to his own benefit that to Face’s. A few minutes later, the world stopped spinning and Face realized where he was and struggled to get up, again, because he still had to use the bathroom. This time he made it safely without collapsing.

He was going to exit the bathroom when Murdock stopped him.

“Face, do you love him?” he asked earnestly and the LT just stared at him, with wide eyes.

“Of course I do. Just like everybody else,” he answered.

“That’s not what I asked. I asked if you *love* him?” the pilot insisted and Face knew he couldn’t lie to the man.

“God, Murdock! Yes, I do love him, more than my life. I can’t lose him!” 

“Does he know?”

“I didn’t tell him.” I wish I had, I wish I had. 

“Then, when he wakes up, you just tell him, muchacho.”

Face watched him with disbelief, as if he hadn’t understood his words. Despite his best efforts, Hannibal was in bad shape when the Rescue team found them and it was a miracle he had survived three days in that cave, without medical help. When he coded twice on the helicopter, Face had felt like dying himself. But Hannibal came back. Now Face didn’t want to hear he had died, he had prayed for him to be alright and please, God, please, let him be safe and alive. Unconsciously, he closed his eyes at the painful memories and let the tears fall on his cheeks.

Murdock gently cupped his face in his calloused hands and wiped away the tears. 

“The doctors said he made it, buddy. You did a very good job and actually saved his life! He is in ICU now but if everything goes as they think he will be transferred to a regular room tomorrow.”

Face didn’t talk, he couldn’t but the pilot knew what he was thinking.

“I overheard their conversation with the General through the bathroom door. While you were pissing.” 

As if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders, Face felt like crying again but this time he didn’t try to hide the fact; his arms went around Murdock’s frame and the pilot held him until he was calmer.

“Thanks, HM! Can I see him?”

“They said he asked about you. Let’s talk with the doctors and see, ok?”

With a new hope, Face followed the pilot, determined not to miss the occasion to tell Hannibal his real feelings about him.


	2. Chapter 2

As the doctor wished, Hannibal was moved to a regular room the following day. 

Face was able to see him for some minutes, while he still was in the ICU: he lay on the flat surface unmoving and pale but alive. His breath was regular and there were many noises around him coming from the machines that were monitoring his pulse and vitals. It was strange to see the Colonel so still. The three days old grey beard was strange on him, making him look several years older. Hannibal used to shave every day and Face knew he wouldn’t like to appear so shabby. 

The lieutenant carefully sat beside him and held his cold hand in his own, hoping the man could feel him and wake up, tell him everything was alright. Face needed someone to reassure him that he had done the right thing and that someone was his CO, his friend, his secret desire: John Smith. 

Murdock and BA were on his side, he knew that. When he told them about the ambush and how they survived in the cave, they were impressed and expressed their admiration to him for having kept a cool head for so long. The pilot especially told him several times he had done everything in his power to save Hannibal’s life and that Wilson was alive only because of him.

That didn’t change the fact that Miller was dead. Face knew he had a family back in the US and he knew someone had probably already contacted his family – his mother – to tell her that her son had died while serving his country in the Iraqi desert, doing his job. She would have probably cried and grieved for her lost son but eventually she would have gone on with her life, knowing it was a risk of the job and accepting the fate of her son.

Only it was his responsibility the guy was now dead and he didn’t think he could live with that. Miller and Wilson were under his and Hannibal’s command and even if technically Hannibal was in charge for the mission, he couldn’t help but think they could have acted differently and maybe, maybe the kid would still be with them.

It was the first time Face saw someone under his command die. He still could see in his mind the terrified expression on Miller’s face when the bullet caught him: eyes wide with fear, he had looked at him as if to ask for help but immediately fell to the ground. 

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Miller talking and the following moment die in front of him. 

He wasn’t prepared for this. Maybe Hannibal, who was older and had been in special forces for longer, maybe he would have known how to react in a similar situation, but the Lieutenant was too young and inexperienced to handle the shock.

If Hannibal was awake, he would have told him it wasn’t his fault and it was normal to feel the way he was feeling. 

He had been there for Face, the first time he killed a man; it was a covert operation and Face was perfect, everybody complimented him for his cool head. Truth was Face was scared shitless and that night Hannibal found him unable to sleep because every time he closed his eyes he was seeing the man he had killed. The Colonel explained to him, with gentle words, that he had felt the same way many years ago, when it was his first time. That Face was going to feel bad for some time but he shouldn’t think he was guilty for his actions because they were soldiers and that was what soldiers do in order to defend their country.

The young soldier found out his words were prophetic: yes, he had felt bad for some time but soon he learned how to deal with the guilt complex and went on with his life, accepting this was part of the job.

“Hannibal, please, wake up for me…” he whispered to the silent man in the bed, holding his hand, careful of the IV port.

A hand on his shoulder startled him and he looked up at the orderly, who told him his five minutes had passed. Reluctantly, he released Hannibal’s hand and walked out of the room, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other.

Once outside the room, he let Murdock guide him to the nearest chair where he sat, again, head in his hands, trying hard to breathe despite the weight that was compressing his chest and the black dots that were filling his vision. Face knew he couldn’t go on any longer without food or rest but was too afraid to close his eyes and re-open them to a new tragic reality.

“Face, you ok?” the pilot asked, knowing it was a rhetorical question and that his friend was far from ok.

“I don’t feel so good,” the LT admitted in a low voice, hoping not to sound too pathetic.

He heard Murdock ask BA to get him something to eat; a few seconds later – or so Face thought – two chocolate candy bars appeared in front of him, along with a cup of hot chocolate. After thanking the pilot, the Lieutenant devoured the candy bars and carefully sipped the hot drink.

BA was explaining it was all he could find in the vending machine of the hospital. To him, they had never tasted so good. 

With his stomach full, Face now felt a sudden lethargy growing in him. BA and Murdock exchanged worried looks, then the black man disappeared down the end of the corridor, into the doctor’s office.

The LT was aware something was going on around him but couldn’t keep his eyes open now. Suddenly he felt someone gently helping him to his feet and walk a few steps, then he was pushed flat on his back on a soft surface and the world went dark around him.

-

The next time he opened his eyes it was to a familiar ceiling; Murdock was sleeping beside him on the small bed and BA was snoring in the plastic chair near the head of the bed. Sensing his friend was waking up, the pilot opened tired eyes to look at him and was relieved to see the younger man was now awake and aware of his surroundings. BA was immediately awake too.

“What time is it?” he asked, his voice still rough from sleep.

Murdock glanced at his watch and yawned. “It’s 8:45. You slept 12 hours buddy! How do you feel?”

Ignoring the question, Face only tensed and sat up, running hands through his unruly hair.

“Why did you let me sleep for so long, HM? How is Hannibal?” he asked instead.

“He has been moved to a regular room about half an hour ago. The doctors said he is stable and he should wake up soon.”

Letting out a long sigh, Face smiled tiredly. “Can I see him?”

“Once you have a proper breakfast!” 

“I don’t have time to eat, Murdock.”

“The doctor said you have to eat and drink in order to replace your fluids and sugar levels. And that’s what you’re going to do. Unless you want to be bedridden until he says you’re ok.” Murdock’s tone told Face he wasn’t kidding.

“Oh come on HM! They can’t hold me against my will! You know that!” 

Resting both hands on his face, Murdock looked the younger man directly in his eyes. Face stilled at the gesture and waited for him to speak.

“Face, when we found you in that cave you were catatonic, you were covered in blood and in shock. You did not sleep for three days nor did you eat. Yesterday you collapsed in the ICU corridor. You’re exhausted, buddy! You need to take it easy and listen to the doctor’s advice.” 

Face opened his mouth to reply but Murdock didn’t let him.

“I know you’re worried about Hannibal and you want to be with him. But you’re not doing any good to him by making yourself sick. Plus, the doctors are with him right now and it will be another hour before they let you in. Please, Face. Help us help you!”

Knowing Murdock was right, the LT nodded. He ate all his breakfast – and found out he was hungry, after all – even letting the doctor check his vitals. Once it was determined he was alright, all considering, he was admitted to Hannibal’s room.

This one was less scary than the previous one. The older man seemed to be resting comfortably, the heart monitor still attached and beeping but they said it was just a precaution. Despite the big blood loss, Hannibal was doing good and they couldn’t see any reasons for him not to make a full recovery.

Thanking God for having accepted his prayers, Face prepared himself for a long day. He sat by the Colonel’s side all the morning, then Murdock released him and BA took him out of the hospital for dinner. An hour later, they came back. Hannibal hadn’t awakened yet.

It was only around 5 in the afternoon that he stirred and mumbled something. Face was at his side immediately, holding his hand and murmuring reassurances that he was okay and he was going to be alright. After what seemed an eternity, finally he opened his eyes and looked around him, his gaze unfocused at the beginning but then Hannibal found the face he was searching for.

“Face…” he murmured, his voice small and rough.

“I’m here, Hannibal!” the LT stated on the verge of tears, his own voice soft and unsteady.

“Wasn’t your fault, Face…” Hannibal murmured again, closing his eyes against the brightness of the lights.

Face was too shocked to understand the meaning of the older man’s words.

“You did a good job, LT. You saved my life and Wilson’s. I am proud of you…” Hannibal went on, eyes still closed but his tone resolute.

Face felt tears swimming in his eyes, actually tried to choke them back but couldn’t. He was stunned that Hannibal knew what he was thinking; after what he had been through, his first coherent thought was about him and his well being. 

“I’ve been there, Face. I know what you think. It wasn’t your fault!” the Colonel replied and squeezed the lieutenant’s hand a little more, forcing his eyes open to look at him.

“Hannibal, I… I don’t know what to say!” the younger man whispered in return, his gaze falling to his knees, not being able to hold the Colonel’s look.

“I love you, Kid! Thank you for being there for me!” Hannibal breathed softly, before succumbing to sleep once again.

Face felt himself blushing, tears falling on his cheeks. He had a question in his mind: what did the Colonel mean when he said “I love you”? I love you like a teammate, like a brother or like a son? Or maybe he was meaning something more? But Hannibal was sound asleep and he just hoped to have a second occasion to deepen the subject with the older man.


	3. Chapter 3

Hannibal spent close to a week in the hospital before it was determined he could go “home”. The doctors ordered him to rest and to take it easy; the shoulder was healing nicely but it needed time and so did the leg. 

Hannibal’s room became Face’s world for the whole time. The younger man refused to leave and spent all his energy around the Colonel, making sure he had everything he needed, never leaving his side for more than an hour or two, only when Murdock or BA insisted that he get out of the hospital and take care of his own business. 

The Colonel received many visitors during his stay at the hospital. 

The General himself came to see him a couple of times; if he was relieved to see that his old friend was doing good and that the wounds were not life-threatening as they had suspected at the beginning, at the same time he was worried about the young LT. Not that his behavior was unusual. Both men had seen many young soldiers acting the same way after an “accident”; unconsciously – they were told - they were feeling guilty for having survived a tragic experience while others had died, not accepting the death of their teammates. 

After a few days, despite the fact that Face was his usual self apparently, Hannibal knew he was far from ok. The Colonel talked about it with Morrison but the man was confident it was only a matter of time. Hannibal wasn’t so sure about it. 

He had done everything in his power to make Face understand that he couldn’t have prevented Miller’s death in any way; that if they were still alive it was only because of his cool head, that he was proud of him. Face had listened to Hannibal’s words but didn’t seem too convinced it was the truth.

Sometimes the older man caught Face with his guard down; those times, when the kid’s masks were not in place, he could see a mixture of sadness and resignation in his eyes, and pain and fear. The sight of his wonderful boy so vulnerable and miserable brought tears to Hannibal’s eyes; no one, particularly Face, should feel the way he was feeling. 

But helping him was another story. Every time Hannibal asked him how he was feeling he got the same sharp answer, that he wasn’t the one in the hospital bed and that he was “just fine”. 

Finally, the Colonel was released. 

Walking with a shoulder and a leg wounded was difficult if not impossible. Actually, doing anything was tricky for Hannibal alone and he was going to be in need of help for quite some time. Face never left his side and took care of everything: he talked with the doctors about the medications and the physical therapy the Colonel should follow; he rented a wheelchair so he would be able to move around at home; he helped the older man to walk the few steps to his little apartment just outside the base, then to bed where the Colonel was confined, again, for some days to his regret. 

Everything Hannibal wanted Face had to hand. The younger man had even moved into his home in order to take care of him night and day, not accepting Hannibal’s advice to find a nurse – or someone with medical knowledge instead - to stay with him as long as he was unable to take care of himself. Face refused the offer, obviously. Hannibal knew it was the guilt complex for the accident and the shock of Miller’s death that made Face behave that way and he wondered how long would it be before Face would regain trust in himself.

The kid wasn’t sleeping and was having a hard time dealing with the ordeal. The Colonel, however, couldn’t imagine what was really eating at the younger man. 

Hannibal was, indeed, ridiculously happy to have the younger man around, to hear him moving in his home. One night Face was so tired he fell asleep on Hannibal’s bed, beside the older man; the Colonel was asleep and didn’t realize he had company, only when he tried to shift onto his side he found out he was restricted by the LT, who was curled on his side with his head on Hannibal’s good shoulder. 

The gesture hit Hannibal hard; he had always had feelings for the younger man, but had never had the courage to confess to him. Knowing it was now or never, he allowed himself the luxury of caressing the blond hair and playing with the soft curls, holding the precious bundle as close as possible to himself. Later, when the nightmares came and Face started to twist on the bed, Hannibal resumed the gesture and whispered softly in his ears that he was alright, that nothing was gonna happen to him; soon Face relaxed again, never really waking up, and slept peacefully for the rest of the night.

Hannibal didn’t have the heart to wake him and ask him to move; the two men shared the same bed for the first time and it was Heaven for the Colonel.

The following morning, when Face opened his eyes to the world and realized where he was, immediately ashamed of his behaviour, he struggled to get up quickly in order to let the Colonel rest for a little while, but the older man was already awake.

“It’s 6 in the morning, Face. You can sleep a little more if you want to,” he offered.

Feeling his mouth was completely dry, Face didn’t reply but looked at the older man and blushed. How could he have been so stupid as to fall asleep in the Colonel’s own bed? What was he going to tell him now? 

“There is nothing to be ashamed of, kid. You were exhausted and needed your sleep. If I helped you tonight, I am happy about it,” Hannibal stated, his words clear but his eyes holding a brightness Face hadn’t seen in them for so long. Was it possible that the Colonel had feelings for him? Or was it a dream and he was actually sleeping on the couch in the sitting room?

“I’m sorry if I bothered you Hannibal, I’m going to rest for a little while on the couch,” Face replied, deciding he didn’t want to face the subject in that moment.

But Hannibal had other ideas. 

“I think I should give you an explanation, Face. Please,” and he gestured for him to sit beside him. Face complied, his heart thundering in his chest.

“I am not going to sugar coat this so… I love you, not like a brother or like a son. I’m in love with you! I guess I should have told you before but I could never find the right moment and…” he sighed. “If you’re not comfortable with me, now that you know my real feelings for you, and you want to go away I will understand. Nothing means more to me that your wellbeing and I don’t want to cause you any trouble”. 

Face could not believe his own ears. He knew he had to say something, anything but he couldn’t find his voice to reply. Hannibal was watching him with clouded eyes.

“Say something,” he asked, unable to stand the silence that followed his confession.

“How long?” Face eventually whispered, avoiding holding the Colonel’s gaze.

“A few years, maybe.” Hannibal answered earnestly. “I don’t really know, it just happened and… But I wouldn’t want you to ruin you career because of me…” he added, sadly.

“Ruin my career? Hannibal, I don’t understand. How would it affect my career?” 

“Well, with your training program you’re going to be passed Captain in a while and you’re going to have your own unit to command soon. I didn’t want to be a burden to you.”

“I don’t want that. I don’t need that. All I want is to be with you, because… because I think I love you too and I could not live without you. I…I want to know you’re ok, I don’t want to worry about you every day, not knowing where you are and if your unit is able to back you up. I don’t want to risk losing you… again…” Face admitted in a very, very soft voice. 

Hannibal felt his heart melt at such caring and loving words. Cupping the kid’s face in his hand, he forced him to look him in the eyes before asking him the most important question.

“Are you sure, Face? Or are you saying it just because you think it’s what I’d want to hear?” 

Face’s expression changed from astonished to indignant.

“Do you think I could lie to you, Hannibal?” he asked angrily.

“Then why are you angry?”

“Because two weeks ago I was in a cold cave praying God for you to survive… you had lost so much blood and I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know if you were going to make it until the S&R team found us…” the young LT managed between hot tears.

“I know, Temp, you did a very good job and you saved my life. And Wilson’s. You know that!” Hannibal tried to hush him, using his best comforting tone.

“But I couldn’t save Miller. He was a kid, Hannibal, and he died because of me!” Face screamed.

“Not because of you. Because of the war, because of the job he chose.”

“The moment he was hit he looked at me, as if to ask me to save him… and a moment later he was dead. And I did nothing, NOTHING to help him!”

The young man was now sobbing, hiding his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking. 

“I was in charge of him, I should have known better and saved his life…” 

Hannibal shifted in bed in order to be able to hold the distressed man in his arms; he rocked him tenderly and spoke to him quietly, caressing him with his free hand: the gesture calmed him and soon he was breathing normally. Sniffing, Face wiped away the tears from his cheeks but he still did look like a little scared sparrow, with his nose puffy and red eyes. Hannibal couldn’t help but smile at him. God, he looked so fragile! It was true he was a well-built man and that women liked him, but inside he was just a little boy in need of reassurances.

“I know it’s not easy, Face. I know you feel responsible for Miller but, please, you have to believe me: you did everything in your power to protect your unit and you did a very good job. Miller’s death is a tragedy but you, as an officer, you have to accept the fact that you cannot save everyone. The kid knew the risks of the job, it’s sad but it’s true. I’m sure he wouldn’t accuse you of betraying him. And you know that too.”

Face snorted.

“Maybe you’re right, Hannibal. The fact is: I don’t want to be responsible for anybody’s death.”

“Face, listen to me. As an officer, you have responsibility for your unit. But there are events that you cannot prevent and you’re not responsible for that. Is it clear? Stop making yourself sick thinking Miller’s death was your fault, you’re not doing any good to him. He was a Marine, a soldier of the US Army and he knew the risks of his job. If you want to honor him, stop struggling. Get back on the horse and do your job as well as you have always done it. Make Miller proud of you. That is what he would expect you to do right now, honey!”

If the Colonel’s words weren’t enough to touch him, the use of the tender nickname at the end of his speech made Face loose the little control he had over his emotions.

“What did you call me?” he whispered.

“Honey. I called you honey. I’m sorry Face…” the older man started but the LT stopped him.

“There is nothing you have to be sorry about. I think… I think I like that,” he said, smiling timidly at his CO.

“Are you saying… are you saying it’s ok if we try, you know, to be a couple?” Hannibal asked then, holding his breath.

“I’ve wanted it for so long, Hannibal.”

The older man smiled and kissed his boy tenderly on his lips.

“Call me John, honey!”

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Face knew sooner or later he was going to be called back on active duty. 

During the two weeks he spent with Hannibal – not counting the week the Colonel spent in the hospital – Face’s mind was too busy worrying about the older man and his needs and grieving over Miller’s death to think about the future. After the confrontation with Hannibal, apart from the fact that he had admitted he was in love with him - and Face was grateful to God for that - the older man was able to help Face to regain his trust in himself. 

Hannibal had explained things very clearly and Face understood he was right. As always, when the Colonel spoke, Face could do nothing but do as he was ordered. And Hannibal had been clear: if Face wanted to honor Miller’s death, mourning him wasn’t the right way. No, he had to get back on the horse.

So now he was sat in the General’s tent, listening to his orders, taking notes mentally of things to check before the new mission. Because Hannibal was still recovering, Morrison decided to assign Face the command of the operation. Of course Murdock had the task of giving them air cover in case it was needed and BA was involved too along with other four well experienced guys. 

The night before the mission, though, Face couldn’t sleep. Hannibal found the younger man in the sitting room, facing the window but not really looking out.

“Face, you ok?” he asked.

The LT shrugged his shoulders in reply.

“Are you nervous about the mission?”

Face hated to appear vulnerable and weak in front of others and mostly in front of Hannibal. But the Colonel was able to read him like an open book and he was absolutely right: he wasn’t exactly nervous, he was terrified.

“Yeah, maybe,” he admitted in a low voice, not wanting the older man to notice how much it trembled .

“You know you can tell me anything, don’t you?” Hannibal asked again.

“I know, thanks.” Face managed to whisper back.

“But you’re not going to let me in, are you?”

Face, who was tired and emotionally exhausted, felt on the verge of tears. All he wanted to do was to call the General and tell him to assign the mission to another officer, that he couldn’t do what he was asked and who knows when he would be able to. He just wanted to be with Hannibal, let the older man comfort him and tell him everything was alright, that he was not alone. And at the same time he hated himself for that. He was an officer of the US Army, a Ranger for crying out loud! He was trained to be the perfect soldier despite the fear, despite the pain, despite the way he was feeling. 

“Look, Hannibal, there’s nothing to talk about,” he lied miserably.

“Then why are you awake in the middle of the night when you should be resting with me, in our bed? Come on, baby, let me help you,” the Colonel asked, his voice soft and gentle.

Face didn’t know if he could hold on any longer.

“Hannibal, please. I just need to be alone right now. Can you leave me alone?” he asked, hoping for once that Hannibal would do as he was asked.

“No, Face. I can’t do that!”

The younger man didn’t know if it was the gentle tone or the pity that he read in his lover’s eyes that made him furious. If some minutes earlier he was a lifeless shell, now he was a bundle of energy and found it impossible to stay still.

“Geez, Hannibal, why do you always have to patronize me? How the hell do you know what I’m thinking about right now? What fucking right do you have to control my life?” he shouted.

Hannibal didn’t react. Sat in his wheelchair, he simply watched the younger man, waiting for his anger to pass.

“Oh, Hannibal, please. Don’t just stay there and watch me like I’ve lost my mind!”

But Hannibal didn’t play along and remained silent.

“Are you trying to drive me nuts? You said you want me to talk to you, well I’m talking now!” Face explained, his tone a little calmer this time.

“Are you nervous about the mission?” the Colonel asked again.

“Yes, I admit it! I’m nervous about the mission. Are you happy now?” Face cried out in misery and frustration.

“Face, baby, don’t…”

“Don’t ‘Face baby’ me, Hannibal, please! I don’t need that right now!”

“Then tell me what you do need. Please?”

Face sighed. He really didn’t know how to explain himself to the older man.

“Hannibal, John… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to shout at you. It’s not your fault, I just can’t help thinking something bad is gonna happen.” Alright, he had said it. He had admitted his worst fear in front of his commanding officer. Now what? How angry would Hannibal be?

Instead of getting angry, Hannibal’s expression softened at the confession.

“You know it’s just the panic, do you, Face?” he asked.

Face didn’t reply, he couldn’t find his voice. God, he was such a coward. Of course Hannibal was ashamed of him.

“There’s nothing wrong in feeling the way you’re feeling. Please believe that! You think I had never had a panic attack?” The Colonel asked.

Face was now watching him in disbelief. Was it possible that Hannibal, the fabulous Colonel Smith, had had a panic attack? No, he was just trying to make him feel better by telling him what he wanted to hear.

“You don’t have to do that, you know!” he snapped angrily.

“Do what, Face? What am I doing?” Hannibal asked earnestly.

“Lying to me in order to make me feel better. I don’t deserve it, Hannibal. God, I don’t know how you can still look at me. Maybe I should just resign and leave my place to a better soldier!”

“Now, wait a minute. Why are you saying that?”

“Because… because all I can do right now is think about the mission and being afraid of everything. How am I supposed to command the operations if I can barely breath?” 

“You need to relax, baby.”

“Hannibal, you don’t understand. I am not the same person I was three weeks ago. I think I’ve lost my cool head,” the LT admitted tiredly. A lone tear slid down his smooth cheek.

Hannibal felt his heart break into a million pieces to see his wonderful boy so depressed.

“Nobody expects you to bounce back to your usual self like nothing had ever happened. You just have to give it time, honey. And I am not ashamed of you, as I know you think. On the contrary, I have never been so proud of you, Face.” 

The younger man was now watching his lover with tears in his eyes.

“I would understand if you wanted to resign, now. But I know you won’t do it. And I know it because we are very much alike, baby. We’re fighters, we’re survivors.”

Face was now smiling. Someway, Hannibal’s words touched his heart and he felt all his love and affection. And it was a wonderful sensation.

“Would you put your life in my hands again, John? Would you trust me that much?” he asked in a small voice.

“Always, Temp. Without hesitation.” The Colonel replied seriously.

Feeling a ghost of a smile parting his lips, Face let his lover engulf him in his arms.

“If you ever feel like talking again, baby, I want you to come to me. Next time, I want you to come to me before you get all stressed out about something. Promise me, baby.” Hannibal murmured sweetly in Face’s ear.

And Face did. He promised. Because he himself trusted Hannibal with his life and if the Colonel had faith in him, well he wasn’t going to hold back from facing his responsibilities.

And of course the mission was a success. Both BA and Murdock were enthusiastic about Face’s plan and everything went smoothly.


	5. Chapter 5

Two months after the accident, Hannibal was finally back in charge of his unit. Everybody was happy to have him back and the Colonel himself had missed his companions very much. It was a relief for him to be back on active duty, he had never been a very patient man and he was starting to get bored and annoyed at doctors telling him to take it easy and rest. He was a Ranger, a man of action and his place was with his team and with his boys, in the middle of the battle. 

Since Face was called back on active duty himself three weeks after the accident, he wasn’t able to spend much time with the Colonel and Hannibal missed him. 

Hannibal had originally planned a perfect declaration of love for his beautiful boy, with flowers and wine and a perfect full moon to shine over them, bathing them in a silver haze; he would have knelt down in front of him, took his hand in his own and looking at him in the eyes he would had said the three magic words and Face would have been surprised, at the beginning, then his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes, would have clouded, just for a moment, and then shone with tears of joy. And he would have asked Hannibal to stand up and embrace him, holding him close and drinking in his scent, asking him if he was dreaming. ‘No, baby, this is not a dream’ Hannibal would have said and then they would have stopped talking, Face capturing the Colonel’s lips in a romantic and yet possessive kiss that lasted forever. 

But he could never find the perfect time to do it; with each passing day Hannibal’s resolution faded, convinced that Face seemed just perfectly fine the way he was. There was no need for Hannibal to ruin the perfect relationship that they had, because he feared that once Face knew about his real feelings for him he would run away from him.

So it was quite a shock when he had found the kid asleep in his bed, resting with his head on his shoulder. The moment he woke up and realized where he was, Hannibal knew it was time for him to be honest with his lieutenant and he reluctantly admitted that yes, he loved him not like a father or like a friend, he *loved* him, in that way. When Face didn’t run away from him Hannibal felt his heart melting and he was the happiest man in the world.

Since that night, the two men shared the same bed and learnt how to love each other, despite the fact they made love just a couple of times. Hannibal was an old fashioned man, he had waited years to confess his love to his man and now he wasn’t going to rush things; sex was a good thing and he loved to do it with his boy, but he needed much more than that. He wanted someone to hold on to, someone to love with all his heart and maybe someone to spend all his life with, growing old together and that kind of thing. 

He was satisfied about how things were going between him and Face. However, when it was declared he was able to do his job again, it seemed Face didn’t take it so well. Hannibal couldn’t really explain why he believed it, it was just something he could feel but not describe in words. 

Face was his usual self, always smiling and being cheerful with everybody; with him, he was professional and efficient on the job as usual, while in private they indulged in sexual activities the Colonel’s injuries had prevented before. Face was really good at that, and the Colonel hoped to be able to give him as much pleasure as the Kid gave him. But then, after they made love, Face would only crash on the bed beside his lover and sleep like the dead.

Hannibal missed the long conversations they had while he was still recovering, the time spent just holding him without saying a world, happy to be each other’s arms.

Not that Face wasn’t passionate with him, quite the contrary. But it seemed somehow distant, detached from him in a way he couldn’t describe. The Colonel was afraid to ask Face about it, he didn’t want to appear anxious or too hovering; he supposed if Face had something to say, he would have come to him and talked, like he had promised. 

Of course the LT didn’t. Hannibal was busy and didn’t notice how distant Face really was. Truth was Face was afraid to talk to Hannibal, not wanting to ruin their newborn relationship but not being able, at the same time, to be honest with him. He knew he wasn’t doing any good to him, to them, but he couldn’t help it.

One night Face went out with Murdock, to celebrate the last mission’s success. The pilot knew something was bothering the younger man and didn’t waste time, as soon as they were alone he started his questioning on the subject until Face admitted there was something wrong.

“I’ve kept an eye on you, muchacho. I know there’s something wrong, care to tell me what’s bothering you?” the Captain asked.

“I really don’t know how to explain it, Murdock. I feel good, really I do. I like it when I am with Hannibal, I am honest when I say that I love him. But…”

“But there is a but…” Murdock interrupted.

“The fact is I don’t know how to behave. I mean, it’s like I am split into two different people. In private, he’s so possessive and I love it, sometimes I have a hard time to keep up with his pace. He’s a great lover! But he’s also sweet and caring and the way he holds me, God, I can *feel* how much he loves me and he cares for me. But when we are working it’s like he is a different person. Not that I’d want him to kiss me in public but… I don’t know, I ‘m afraid to do anything to embarrass him and to put him in danger, you know, DADT and so on…” Face explained.

Murdock remained silent for a while, then smiled warmly at him.

“Did you tell him?”

“Tell him what?”

“What you just told me.”

“Of course not, HM! He doesn’t need to be bothered with such stupid issues.”

“They’re not stupid issues. If the situation is stressing you, I think the best you could do is talk with the Colonel!”

Face released a nervous laugh.

“Are you kidding?” he asked.

“No, I’m not. I’m serious, Facey. If you want this relationship to last, you have to be honest with the man you love.” Murdock explained quietly.

Face knew the pilot was right. As always, he had a particular sensibility that helped him to understand other people. 

“I don’t want things to change. I don’t want to lose him. Now that I’ve found him, I don’t think I could live without him,” the LT whispered tiredly.

Murdock felt his heart breaking to see his best friend so depressed. In one swift move, he went to sit beside him and hugged him close.

“Just be honest with him. Believe me, this is the only way!” the pilot stated firmly but in soft voice.

“Thanks HM!” Face replied in a small voice. 

§§§

That night, after they made love and they were both relaxing, lying side by side on the bed, Face approached the subject with the Colonel. 

“Hannibal… John, I… there’s something I need to ask you.” Face declared quietly.

The Colonel, who wasn’t really surprised by the statement, shifted slightly on the soft surface in order to hold the younger man closer to him and look him in the eyes.

“Ask away, baby.”

Face released a long breath and gathered all his courage before speaking again.

“Maybe you think this is stupid but I’ve been thinking about us… not that there is anything wrong, just… I don’t know how to explain, sorry… God, I’m such an idiot!” 

Instead of being mad at him, Hannibal reassured the LT, caressing him and encouraging him to explain what was bothering him. “I’m not going anywhere, honey. Take your time!”

Face was immensely grateful to the Colonel for being so adorable with him. He felt that if Hannibal’s reaction would have been a bad one, he would have never find the courage to confess to him his feelings. But of course, Hannibal knew perfectly well how to handle his boy.

“The fact is,” Face started, “I don’t know how to behave with you. I mean, I don’t want to cause you any trouble and I’m trying to act normally when we are among people but I’m afraid someone can see what we really are to each other. I don’t want to ruin your career.” Pausing so as to look at his lover’s eyes, he didn’t see anger or sadness in them, just resolution and love, unconditional love. That gave Face the strength to go on.

“It seems I am two different people to you: when we are working, I am your XO; when we are in bed or alone, I am your lover. You call me ‘Face’ or ‘Lieutenant’ when we are among people, ‘baby’ or ‘honey’ when we make love and ‘kid’ when I do something wrong. Am I really such different people to you? I know we can’t really make our relationship official but you seem always so detached, so focused on the mission and sometimes it seems you avoid physical contact with me. I mean, before the accident, you were the one to hug me or pat me on the shoulder, now it seems you’re afraid to approach me in front of other people. And I don’t understand it.”

Hannibal wasn’t prepared for that. But the kid was right and he owed him an explanation.

“Oh Face! I’m sorry if I hurt you. I think you’re right, I’ve been avoiding you lately but not because I’m tired of you. On the contrary, I didn’t know how you would have reacted to my touch and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“John, I…”

“No, please honey. Let me finish. I don’t want other people to know how much I love you because they could use our love to destroy us, both of us. Not only my career, Face! I know it’s an uncomfortable situation and I tried to make it better, I spent every second of my free time with you and yet I don’t think it was enough. I wish I could give you a straightforward relationship but I can’t, not in this world, not in the Army. And I know the Army is your world too, I know it’s where you wanted to be. So forgive me, baby. Just tell me how you want me to be and I will try to do it. 

But there is one thing: I love you with all my heart, you know that, but when we are on a mission I am in charge of you and Murdock and BA. I *have* to think of you not as my lover but as my Lieutenant because if I let my personal feelings for you interfere with work, I cannot take the decisions I have to take. And believe me, it’s hard for me. And so yes, you’re right: somehow you’re two different people to me, on the job you’re my super-efficient XO, an excellent sniper and a cool headed soldier and I trust you with my life; in our free time, you’re my wonderful boy and I love to take care of you: I love to be the one to hold you in the night when you have a nightmare, I love to make love to you. 

Both of you are beautiful. I love you both.”

Face was watching the older man with tears in his eyes. He had had many relationships before John, even if he had never felt completely comfortable with women. That was why they had always ended when he had felt too involved. Hannibal made him feel complete and safe. It was a beautiful sensation, nothing he had ever felt before. Face wasn’t going to give up on him.

“Thanks John!” he replied quietly. “I didn’t realize the situation was stressful for you too. I know it’s a difficult situation but I don’t want to give up on you, now that I’ve found you I don’t want to let you go.”

The Colonel kissed face tenderly on the lips in a silent reply.

“You know, since I’ve had this,” and he started to caress the older man’s chest in a soothing and erotic way at the same time “I find it hard not to do it in front of others! You’re so gorgeous!”

“You’re gonna make me blush, baby!” Hannibal teased the younger man but then, he realized the kid was speaking seriously.

“I know how you feel,” he answered then, “because it’s the way I feel about you. Have I ever told you how hot are you in fatigues?”

“Not recently,” Face purred in his lover’s ear. God, he felt he was becoming hard again. 

Hannibal noticed the detail and took control of the situation. Face melted in the Colonel’s arms and soon they were both panting from the effect of their third orgasm of the evening.

“Are we okay, baby? No regrets?” Hannibal asked finally.

“Not at all. I love you John!”

Hannibal chuckled. “I love you too, Temp!”

“What did you call me?” Face asked. Nobody used to call him by his private first name.

“Temp. Don’t you like it?” 

“Nobody calls me by my first name”.

“Nobody except me!”

“Who are you now? My commanding officer or my lover?”

“Actually, both!”

Face yawned and relaxed in the older man’s arms. “I wish we could stay like this forever!”

“Me too. Good night baby!”

“Good night John!”

END


End file.
